The Snoozeletter @ s.9TimeZones.com

 
Closing.

Remember the real estate agent saga from last year? Well, the new agent brought in a co-agent, and they found a potential buyer last November. He lived in our Indio house for six months, under a lease/purchase agreement, and finally decided to buy it last week. What a relief.
 
USA Today blog.

Yup, I set up another new blog. What the hell is wrong with me?
 
Masochistic tendencies.

I'm in rehab. My first physical therapy session (for the rotator cuff surgery) took place this morning. I'm gonna need more pain pills.
 
OOo.

OOoI recently created and uploaded a public version of this free screenplay formatting template for the OpenOffice.org Writer program.

It's hosted on the official OpenOffice.org Extensions website.

According to their counter, over 500 downloads were initiated during the first 48 hours. Sounds like good word-of-mouth...
 
Girl with a Pearl Earring.

DVDnovelDirector Peter Webber has made an extraordinary film from Olivia Hetreed's adaptation of Tracy Chevalier's novel.

Stars Colin Firth, Scarlett Johansson and Tom Wilkinson.

Explores the nature of creativity, inspiration and collaboration.

Subtle and sensuous.
 
First, make the hammer and nails.

Ooga Booga Yip Yip scriptI started designing screenplay formatting systems 13 years ago.
Most of these pieces of software were created to work with WordPerfect.
As WP's version numbers got higher, my formatters became more and more complex.
But non-pro screenwriters don't need to keep track of scene numbers or A/B pages.
All they really need is a template to keep them from coloring outside the lines.
A basic template. In Word. Nobody uses WordPerfect anymore.
So I reluctantly decided it was time to abandon the WordPerfect bells and whistles.
I created a screenwriting template for Word 2002.
Then someone pointed out that Microsoft was starting to charge fees for "free" Word packages bundled with new computers.
And that by making Word more attractive to screenwriters, I was indirectly helping to enrich Bill Gates.
Get OpenOffice.org Extension: Screenwright(R) screenplay formatting templateThat's when I created a basic, easy-to-use, free screenplay template for the OpenOffice.org Writer program.
No frills, but complete. Elegant. Intuitive.
And when we wrote this spec script, we decided to try out my new template.
It worked like a charm.
Do you want to really enjoy building your own house?
First, make the hammer and nails.
 
6AM = 80°F.

The thermometer reached 105 degrees Fahrenheit (40.5° Celsius) on Sunday, 110°F (43.3°C) on Monday, and 108°F (42.2°C) yesterday. It's 80°F (26.6°C) now, at 6AM, and summer is still a month away. Peak temps won't hit until late July.
 
Recount in 8 days.

Kevin Spacey, Laura Dern, Denis Leary, John Hurt, Tom Wilkinson, Ed Begley Jr. and Bob Balaban will star in Recount, the drama about the Florida results in the 2000 presidential election. Recount premieres Sunday May 25th at 9pm on HBO.

Written by 33-year-old actor ("Buffy," "Gilmore Girls") turned screenwriter Danny Strong, Recount was the top script on the 2007 Black List, an annual poll of 150 development executives and high-level assistants that ranks the hottest screenplays making the rounds in Hollywood.

 
Sticker shock.

I just got the itemized bill for my little 2-hour outpatient procedure:

Pharmacy - $1,152.75
IV Solutions - $400.00
Med-Surg Supplies - $82.00
Sterile Supply - $5,007.00
Supply/Implants - $3,448.00
OR Services - $13,709.85
Anesthesia - $3,873.45
Recovery Room - $1,969.20
TOTAL CHARGES - $29,642.25

Man, you could buy a really hot car for that kind o' dough. Keerist. I was starting to feel sick... but then realized I couldn't afford it.
 
To "The World's Greatest Mom" cup owners:

Simply having reproduced is nothing to be especially proud of. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to get knocked up. In fact, millions of gals do it without having the slightest thought in their pretty little heads. But around this time of year, many mothers would like us to believe they've performed enormous selfless services to the species and the planet.

Do you remember asking to be brought into this overpopulated, globally-warmed, hate-filled, war-torn, disease-infested hellhole? Neither do I.

Dammit Mom, why didn't you keep your legs crossed?

Most women don't even consider what the potential kid might want. They get pregnant mainly because they want a real live kewpie doll they can play with. They need a small helpless being to give them the unconditional love they've heard so much about, the kind of love they can't get from their men. They need to see a pair of adoring, unjudgmental eyes staring back at them. For a few years, anyway.

But when the helpless doll matures and inevitably realizes how fucked up his mommy made him, the mom is outraged. She says, "But I gave life to you."

Bullshit, Mom. You selfishly decided your life was incomplete without a rugrat. And now you want... GRATITUDE?!

Oh, okay. Happy Mother's Day. Don't choke on the chocolate WMDs.
 
Top 5 righty activities.

With the recent rotator cuff surgery, my right arm is trussed up in a super-sling and I'm limited to using my non-dominant left hand. Working the keyboard is more of a challenge these days, especially when I try to do linx and pix. And I was never even slightly ambidextrous, so the times when I really miss being a righty are during the mundane stuff:

5) Flipping my turtle-on-its-back carcass out of bed (grab the nightstand and pull like a sonofabitch, while simultaneously flailing both legs sideways in a spawning-salmon motion).
4) Trimming these tougher-than-titanium toenails.
3) Shampooing my hair (lather, rinse, f*ck the repeat).
2) Wiping my stinky ol' butt.
1) Spanking the monkey (I now carry a wallet-sized photo of my right hand).

THE GOOD NEWS: according to my recent Percocet usage figures, the pain becomes &*%#^@! unbearable only 3 times a day. A week ago, it was 6. I'm a happy camper.
 
Popping Percocet per physician's prescription.

One week ago, I had the shoulder surgery. A lot of my friends, relatives and neighbors helpfully related their first- or second-hand experiences with arthroscopic procedures, and they kept telling me the recovery times were short. Miraculously short.

But when I visited the doctor last Friday, to have my stitches removed, he said the arm should remain immobilized for up to six weeks. Damn, I have to wear the Slingshot 2 for a month and a half, just for these three tiny pinholes? I knew the damage was serious, but I expected to be throwing pine cones again, after a week or two.

So... this one-handed typing is getting old. Being unable to drive a car is getting old. Gobbling narcotics to dull the pain is getting old.

And I'm not getting any younger, myself.
 
Ooga Booga Yip Yip 2.

Donovan and Adam Montierth are the twin brothers who won twin Emmy® statuettes a few months ago for their Reveille short:



They recently created a website to--among other things--acquire the six screenplays for their latest project, a feature-length anthology film entitled Locker 13.

We wrote a script to their specifications, but it's up against 158 other submissions from 28 different states and 6 foreign countries, so we don't expect much. The six scripts chosen for the film will be announced by May 15.